The Coaching Culture Hub

Who do we tell?
Coachee admits to a criminal offence

The coaching relationship is one of absolute confidence.  We know that, as a coach, it is of the utmost importance to keep each and every one of our coaching sessions to ourselves.

So what do we do if the coachee goes beyond the acceptable limits?  How do we handle a conversation which goes something like the following?

As a bit of background, Simon is a successful advertising executive, who has been in a coaching relationship for several years.  As a result he has made various changes to himself and resolved some outstanding relationships and attitudes.  Until this session all seemed to have been going really well.

Coach: - “Simon, last time we met, you were going to have a Fierce Conversation* with Catherine – tell me how that went”

Simon: “It went well and Catherine is now going to address all the elements of timekeeping and lack of focus that we talked about.  However, I have got something that a need to talk about today”

Perfect time for the coach to use the power of silence and just wait.

Simon: - “Well I am not sure how to put this.  You remember that I talked about going away on that sailing weekend with my friends.  That was great but...........................”

More power of silence, although this time it lasted a good lot longer than normal.  The coach is in a dilemma here as to whether an intervention after this time is right.  Finally the intervention was made.

Coach “So Simon but what?”

Simon:- “But I perhaps do not want to talk about it after all, so let’s go back and follow up on the key goals I set myself for the next six months.”

For the purpose of the point we are making in this conundrum we are going to skip 30 minutes whilst the coach goes along with Simon in his goals and accountability on those whilst waiting for the appropriate moment to follow up on Simon’s weekend with this friends.  We shall pick up the conversation again. 30 minutes later.

Simon:-“So yes, I have undertaken to myself to take those steps I had committed to previously to improve my time management”

Coach: - “Good so what else? Tell me about your sailing weekend”

Simon:-“Ah yes”

Another long pause whilst the coach keeps quiet and allows Simon to ruminate.

Simon:-“Well I am not sure if I should talk to you about this, but I know this is confidential so here goes.

During the weekend, we got into that challenging each other to do more and more difficult things, and as usual, that got a bit silly.  I accepted the challenge to steal a GPS navigation system from the chandlers we were in at the time.  What got into me, I do not know, but the next thing I knew we were back at the boat and out to sea with this thing sitting on the table.  All the others thought it was very amusing and were congratulating me on my prowess and effectiveness as a thief.  I was having serious second thoughts and wanted to take it back, but they were having nothing of it.  We were of course half way back and it was some time since I had taken it so would have been even more difficult even if I had the chance to do so.

This was totally out of character and I feel terrible that I have done it.  Cannot sleep or rest.”

The coach is now in a serious dilemma; stuck between the confidence of his client and his duty as a citizen to report crime.  He also knows that Simon’s career will be destroyed by this, if it becomes public.

Simon continues: “I have, of course left it in the boat and I do not care or know what will become of it, but I have a real fear that it will come back to me when my mates are pulling another prank. I feel so dreadful and full of remorse, but I know that whatever happens, I have actually committed a crime.”

Coach: “Who have you told?”

Simon: ”Nobody, of course, but the others who were with me already know and who knows who they will tell. 
I can of course deny it; I do not think that those who were with me would actually report me and still less pursue it.  They are, after all, good mates and have been for a long time.”

Coach: ”What are you going to do about it; what have you done about it?”

Two questions in one!  This is, however, a very difficult situation.

Simon: ” Nothing and nothing.”

Coach; ”What should you do about it?”

Simon: ”Well I should report myself to the police. However the thought of what may happen following that is just too difficult to comprehend.  I see my whole life collapsing around me; family, job, and wife – oh this is too ghastly.”

Coach: ”What are you going to do about it?”

Simon: ”Nothing and hope it goes away.  Unless the people who were with me tell on me than it may all pass – oh I wish I had bought it away from the boat and thrown it away.  I have a terrible feeling that it will be mounted on the boat and stare at me when I next go away on a sailing weekend; perhaps I will see if I can pop down and remove it quietly, then it will be forgotten about.”

Here we will leave the conversation, because this is a conundrum that we all hope we shall not have to face at any time during our career and because it can have no satisfactory outcome.  At least the coach has remained non-judgemental; at least the coach has listened without interrupting; at least the coach has not, at this stage, committed any additional crime either by not reporting a crime or by becoming complicit in the wrongdoings.

Integrity is severely tested.  Who should the coach be loyal to, client or his civic duty (i.e. himself).  Should he be persuading Simon to report himself, or should he be going along with Simon to save his career and life – an area that they have been working on to improve for the last two years.  What about the reputation of the coach if anybody should find this out?  Lots and lots of questions with no answers.

Indeed you may have been there yourself – what did you do?

So this month would you, please dear reader, finish the story by adding your comment as to what you think the coach should do in this case.  We can then complete this conundrum next month based on your feedback and use it as a useful development exercise for all of us. Thanks in advance for your contributions.

* See Susan Scott’s excellent book “Fierce Conversations” on this subject.

Coaching resource of the month

Each month we will introduce you to a useful tool or technique that will help improve either your coaching or the coaching of the people around you. Please feel free to use this tool/technique around the organisation as much as you like.

Download the PDF 'Top Five Priorities'

10 Top Tips for Presentation excellence

1. Know Your Audience. Do your homework about the people to whom you are pitching or presenting and avoid jargon. This gives you a better chance of giving the right information in the right language. For example, if your research reveals someone to have a degree in mechanical engineering it's probable that he or she will appreciate a direct step-by-step presentation, while someone with a background in art will perhaps favour a more 'story-telling' style.

2. Prepare, then do some more preparation, then prepare again. NEVER go into a pitch with half the answers.

3. Be focused and succinct. Don’t waffle and try and keep to one simple message. Know what you want as an end goal because if you have a clear picture in your mind of what you will gain or achieve by winning the pitch or making a great presentation, it’s more likely you’ll get your message across well.

4. Be confident and charismatic, not cocky and arrogant. How you stand makes all the difference in how people respond to you. So relax your shoulders, stand tall and keep your head upright facing the audience, and you’ll feel and look more confident.

5. Don't get bogged down by your support material. If you rely on PowerPoint, what will you do if the laptop packs in or the file is corrupted? If you rely on storyboards, what will you do if the person to whom you are presenting says they don't want to look at them? By all means use the technology, but always be ready to 'go it alone' should the need arise.

6. Dress appropriately for the occasion. For maximum personal impact and gravitas make sure you are well dressed and the outfit is tailored to reflect your audience. Under no circumstances should you wear jeans and a scruffy t-shirt – this will show a lack of respect to your audience.

7. Wear comfortable shoes. Discomfort will undermine your presentation every time and will distract you from your end goal.

8. Use open body language and exaggerate your movements. Look at your audience and keep your eyes moving to help engage and include them. Be larger than normal with your gestures, speak more slowly and distinctly, and pause for longer. Move around the stage or room a little to add interest to your presentation.

9. Get the tone of voice right. During a presentation an audience will only retain 10 % of the words you deliver, but around 35% of the sound of your voice and approximately 55 % of your body language. Your voice then is one of the main things people will remember about your presentation. Make it sound as attractive as possible by slowing it down, breathe from the diaphragm and keep your throat, neck and shoulders relaxed.

10. Avoid certain foods and drinks directly before the presentation. Coffee and caffeinated soft drinks can make people highly excitable; chocolate, cheese and milky drinks negatively affect your voice; and sweets give a quick burst of energy, which falls away very quickly, leaving you high and dry mid-presentation. Better to run on your natural energy and excitement.

Workshop of the month

With a number of very different, and often poor, role models for management it is no wonder individuals struggle to understand what makes them a good manager. Most managers could not give you a clear idea of the 5 key qualities of a manager.

Download the PDF workshop 'What is a Good Manager?'